05 November 2015

09 July 2015

Who am I and why am I here?

Today, three different people asked me why I do the work that I do, when I'm clearly not being appropriately compensated for it, and receive grief from others for doing it. These people keep telling me to just not do it. Although my mindset is that SOMEONE needs to do it, I'm beginning to think they're right. I need to start forcing myself to just not care, I guess.

I've been working "outside my job description" for a number of years, mostly because there's work that needs to get done.  I usually don't care about receiving credit for the work, but every once in a while, it would be nice to be recognized (officially) for the value that I bring to the organization.

Instead, I'm just handed more work, while others in my pay grade won't even do their own jobs, and get away with it.  In addition, there are other people who get promoted, and immediately think they understand what I do, and can tell me how to do (ha!). Meanwhile, if something "doesn't work", they all come running to me to fix it.  At one point, I was on a temporary duty assignment (TDY) making twice what I make now.  The person at the top of my current org chart even commented to me that it was nice that I was getting paid what I'm worth.  Which was sort of an odd statement for that person to make, since there's no reason that I couldn't be promoted and get paid what I'm worth here.  

29 September 2014

Things I miss

Sunday dinners at a friend's house, and the games we played

Quietly snuggling on the couch

Feeling wanted instead of judged

Emanating love instead of irritation

Feeling like what I do matters

Not feeling trapped by my job

11 August 2014

I have a good life

If I repeat that often enough, maybe I'll stop thinking otherwise.

WTF is wrong with me?!?

30 July 2014

We'll see you soon (but not yet...not yet)

Well, I took the cat to the vet today. She was sicker than I had originally thought. The vet agreed that the humane thing to do would be to put the poor old girl out of her misery.

I had a very strong suspicion this was going to be the end result, so I spent the better part of the day cuddling her, before we actually went to the vet.

She's been part of my family, long before I had a family. She came into my life as a kitten in 1998; I didn't meet my wife until 2005.

Patches filled all of our lives with love, cuddles, and "puddins". There's a gaping hole in my heart.


29 July 2014

It's hard to say goodbye

Our cat, Patches, will be 17 years old this November. Or would be, except we don't think she's going to make it through the week. 

She hasn't taken food or water for about 6 days, can't walk more than a few steps before laying down to rest, is noticeably thinner, and is hiding in a box of blankets in our basement. She can barely manage a "meow".

She's been with me since she was a month old (long before I met my wife), and is the stereotypical lap cat.

We're planning on letting our 6 year old daughter spend some extra time with her tomorrow morning, after which I'll be taking Patches to the vet. I don't think she'll be coming home with me though.

I'm surprisingly upset about all this.

28 July 2014


...it feels like my life has been nothing more than a series of mistakes.